Texas Butthole Tickling Bandit Has Finally Been Caught

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A man who was breaking into the homes of residents in Dallas and tickling their buttholes whilst they were asleep has finally been caught after a reign of terror lasting a little over three weeks.

He managed to be identified by police and was arrested in the early hours of January 5th at 5 a.m. Unfortunately at this point he had already broken into over a dozen homes at night and tickled people’s butts. His victims were solely men.

One local man called Richard Hays, who lived in the area the Butthole Bandit was targeting, was quick to describe the relief he and his ass were now feeling..

“ I slept on my back everyday, I can finally sleep on my stomach again.”

Never has a sentence summed up a news story so well. Short and shrift, but poetic at the same time.

The Butthole Tickler’s reign of terror was doubly scary as all the break-ins happened at night, so you can imagine most of the men felt the same way as Hays. The sweet joys of being able to sleep on one’s stomach should never be underestimated.

The story takes a funny twist though when you hear that the police originally thought their suspect was homeless. Surprisingly however when they picked their man up he was actually wearing $4500 worth of Yeezus clothing. It’s not only homeless dudes that like a little butthole tickle you know..

I for one am glad he’s off the streets, at least now he’ll stop giving bums such a bad name.